Going to open my heart up a bit here to you.
Lately, I’m still battling through the end of a season where my heart and mind becomes bogged down by the circumstances as my life goes through a major transition. I know I have to be strong and continue trusting in the Lord totally by placing him first before everything ... and also by maintaining complete faith and trust in myself.
Still, I keep trying to understand things just like you do sometimes. Like yourself, I go through a non-stop process of lessons and growth ---and sometimes I'll just sit and wonder, 'why in the heck do hopes go on a crushing cycle of up and down and up and down?' It's quite dizzying, at times!
Why do people get brought into our lives, to grow to like them, genuinely care or love them...only to be torn apart from them. And a bunch of other 'why why why why's' - just like you ask yourself when you think. Sure, "life lessons" - yada, yada, we've heard that a million times already, we know this, we get it - but that's not pacifying enough when pain is storming - so, let's dig deeper.
So then, I asked myself: Why would the Holy light up a few paths for me to choose and to create by encouraging me to take a leap of faith to be completely transparent and vulnerable, and rejected? Why do old wounds and fears need to be poked at so viciously? Wounds I've spent years upon years healing.
Then it dawned on me; Pruning. It's the process of----pruning.
The Holy Light intends to PRUNE.
Imagine a vine that has branches that bear fruits, the gardener would prune it and make it more fruitful. On the other hand branches without fruit, the gardener will discard it as unwanted.
Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing.” -John 15:5
I'm not religious, so bear with me a moment...
So perhaps there are areas in my life that had to be strengthened---such as a lack of faith, lack of emotional connection with God, belief in myself, etc. So, alrighty then -- but for what purpose?
“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourself to be my disciples,” said Jesus in John 15:8
God wants to strip me off my strength.
I've never felt myself so weak and helpless before. When the plug was suddenly pulled off my former path it created a huge vacuum in my life. Massive. Most all that was "regular and normal" to me in my life abruptly vanished. The tremendous void I felt made me cry out to God in a deeper and more desperate way.
Giving more of myself was being demanded.
God wanted me to acknowledge the need to lean on the strength of faith and grace when I’m feeling completely at my wits end:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness,” said Jesus.
To which the apostle Paul said “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses… For when I’m weak, then I am strong”. - 2 Corinthians 9 & 10
Again--- for what purpose?
The Holy light hid me in refuge to comfort me at the time I felt abandoned and alone.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in the spirit.”
-Psalm 34:18
“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depth of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.” - Psalm 71:20-21
When I hope for deliverance, encouragement to trust in guidance is taught.
All the holy light wants from me is my compliance. It wants me to love back through this.
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” - 2 John 1:16
Coming clean with the past - no matter how dark or painful it was.
Free to live and love in total openness and truth under the Holy Light. Evil can still manipulate and cause havoc in our lives, however.
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” -James 1:12
Soul food for human storms.
Keep on going...